Today is one of those days where I'm wondering "Whats the point?" Actually, its been one of those weeks. I'm overall frustrated with life. I'm a sad panda, if you will.

#1. I'm really happy that I'm back in school studying something that fascinates me. I'm excited about my future as a designer. However, I'm not excited about my present. This quarter I'm taking Life Drawing I and History of Art and Design. I am the opposite of excited about these classes. So far we've spent two classes drawing skulls and skeletons. I'm not very good at it, so its been 6 hours of utter discouragement. Do you know what its like to be forced to spend long periods of time doing something you're not good at? Its kind of like someone repeatedly kicking you in the stomach. On top of that, its so damn expensive. At the Art Institute it costs $437 per credit hour. Each class I'm taking this quarter is 3 credits, 6 total. So thats $2622 in tuition, plus about $200 for books and probably another $150 in supplies. That is so much money that I don't have. I'm willing to take out the student loans for the end result. But right now, it is grueling. AND, on top of it all, I feel like there is no end in sight. I'm in my 4th quarter now. I'm taking 6 hours per quarter, because that is what I can "afford" and that I can handle, time wise. I started with 37 transfer hours from A&M. The program I'm in is 180 hours.

So...

180 total credits needed
-37 transfer

-24 credits earned

119 credits still needed

At this rate...

6 credits per quarter

4 quarters per year

24 credits per year

4.9 years left of school!!

I'll be 31.4 when I get out. I know, I chose this. And I really am excited about it. But right now I'm overwhelmed.

#2. Keith and I are in one of those seasons where we are getting on each others nerves constantly. I feel like he doesn't help me out enough around the house, he's bad with money, he's not motivated to change his dissatisfaction with his job or his financial situation, he's never going to grow up and stop wanting to go out with his friends and drink all the time, and he will never want to marry me. He feels like I never want to do anything or be social, I sleep too much, I complain too much that he doesn't help me with things, and when he does help I complain about how he does them. I'm condescending, I nag him about money, I'm pressuring him to get married. I'm sure there are a million other things he could say. I'm at a standstill and I want change. But I don't know how to get it. It takes two to tango and I'm the only one who wants to dance.

#3. I started this "new" job on May 21, 2007. I had my one year review today. The whole reason I got this job was because I wanted to move to this part of the metroplex so that I could be closer to Keith so that we could see each other more thinking that would lead to marriage. Nope. Originally I was a Project Manager. I started out with a huge pay increase from my previous job and excellent benefits. About 4 months in I decided that I wanted to go back to school. A few months after that I decided that it was way too hard to juggle school and working full time. I approached my boss about decreasing my hours. I explained the whole situation to her. This was in March of this year. She offered me a new position as an Assistant Project Manager where I could decrease my hours to 32 per week. This decreased my pay by 20% which is the percentage I was decreasing my hours per week. Totally fair. What she didn't tell me was that due to this change I would not be eligible for a raise at my one year review. In fact, she did say "You do have a review coming up." Which made me think she was saying "I realize we're decreasing your pay quite a bit, but with your one year review coming up, you'll likely get a raise which will make up for the $8000 less a year you'll be making." I was wrong. They told me in my one year review that because of my change of position I would not be getting a raise and that I am actually over paid.

Again, I chose the change in position and decrease in pay. I know this. The decrease in hours is awesome and I'm not sure how I'll ever go back to working full time. But I was really counting on getting a raise of some sort. Its so disheartening. Keith and I can barely afford to eat.

I could continue on with the compaints, but I'm too sad to do so. I need a nap, a good cry, or a strong drink.